No Sweat

When I say no sweat, that’s precisely what I mean – absolutely not one bead of sweat has left my brow now for a whole week. A whole week! My trainers have just been sitting motionless and gathering dust in the corner of my bedroom filling me with guilt every time I happen to clap sight of them. F off you bastard trainers! Stop staring at me like that!

But it’s not my fault. Honest! Like many of us at this time of the year, the sodding lurgy has kneed us in the bollocks once again, just weeks after the alien virus last left our bodies. Before you know it, the sore throat is back, followed by a runny nose and a chest-rattling cough that might even make Deirdre Barlow (yes, she is real) lay off the fags for a couple of days. Tempting though it is to think you can ‘sweat it out’ or ‘run it off’ – it just doesn’t work. I’ve tried it, and failed. One quick brisk trot out on the tiles with a headache and sore throat can end up with an extra three days in bed wanting to smash yourself over the head with a bottle of Benylin.

Not being able to exercise at least every other day is like torture. I’m sure some of you can empathise. It feels like your body is losing its fitness every second; that the lbs are starting to pile on; and that you are starting to lose that healthy fitness glow. Well just stop bloody moaning! (I’m talking mainly to myself, and some of you). What is a week in the big scheme of things? How bad is it really being stuck home for days watching shite TV and eating chicken soup? I was about to go for a quick run this morning (6am) before I go back to work, but then I realised that a) it’s like night-time and freezing outside, and b) I have actually been awake coughing up my inner chest most of the night, so perhaps it’s not the most intelligent idea…

So let this be some reassuring words for those of you out there who are feeling the same. Let your body rest, as irritating and depressing as it is, and don’t you dare put those smelly trainers back on until the evil alien virus has left your body and become absorbed into someone else. Trust me, it will be worth it in the long term…

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