Firstly, apologies for being absent. I’ve had my head up my academic arse finishing my MA. But do not fret dear Gymwatchers, the bitch is most definitely back.
Talking of bitches, to help me focus over the last couple of weeks, I hid myself away on a farm in North Wales, with no phone reception and no TV (thank you dear God for inventing ITV Player). The highlight of my day, and a welcome break from me trying to hurl my laptop out of the window into the gob of a chewing cow, whilst boo-hooing over Foucault, was to leg it through the Welsh countryside with four dogs in tow.
In moments of heading out my exploding brain emptied leaving me with the loving howls of my fellow friends who scurried ahead of me with spring in their steps – the simplicity of country life whisking us away up the narrow country lanes to the distant sound of tractors and mooing cows.
Oh, give over. Life is never so perfect. As idyllic and refreshing as it was, there are always risks with country running which one doesn’t encounter on Catford High Street or Lewisham Way. Whilst skipping along like a dick head city girl these are the perils one needs to look out for:
Yup, at least every other day I would waddle right into a great big steaming pile of it. My special Nike i-D trainers having not witnessed so much shite since the latest press release from Saatchi. It stinks.
Flattened dead animals
Why don’t animals run away when they see a great big car or tractor coming, are they thick?! The slew of cartoon-esque squashed frogs, rabbits and hedgehogs that littered my route was both irritating and unsightly. And to be frank, simply put me off my fartlek focus.
Yes, seriously. Running a dog so hard that it actually pukes up all over the road may be momentarily satisfying that you’ve managed to exert an animal into that state, but fucking disgusting watching it happen. No-one wants to see Pedigree Chum spewed all over the dead frog.
Ok OK, so having a piss at the side of the road might be offensive to some people, but sod it – when you gotta go, you gotta go! Never seen a pasty white ass before? Go live a little.
But aside from these challenges, trust me, country running with the hounds in tow is really quite magical!