Lock Blocker

Has the thought of being locked out of your house in your nightie and slippers filled you with dread? Sure. But I bet you had never considered the gym equivalent. Well there is one, and it happened to me yesterday. After a gruelling one hour spin session I crawled into the changing room, peeled off my sweat-drenched kit, and went to open the padlock on my locker. Hmmm, is that the right number? Yes. Is it? Let me check again (angrily bangs the padlock against the locker door). Fuck. Now the sweat rolling down my naked body has turned into tears of panic. My body is literally crying with the horror of what might unfold. I’m naked. Standing by my locker. My padlock is broken.

Humiliated – trying to cover myself with a sodden stinking t-shirt – I was forced to ask a woman nearby to run for help at the front desk (yes, I actually had to speak to someone in the gym). Surely they have bolt cutters, right? But what if they can’t break the lock? (feelings of nausea now enveloping my naked body). Will I have to walk home in wet gym gear in the freezing cold with no coat, phone, or house keys? The panic button has been pressed. I’m now starting to cry.

OK, I may have exaggerated for effect. I wasn’t crying, honest (cough). The kind woman dashed off to front desk, and within a minute, a team of staff came storming into the changing room to my rescue, bolt cutters in-hand, my saviours in spandex. But just as they did so, click! The fucking padlock unlocked.
Suffice to say, I felt like a prize wally and eventually scurried off home, showered, dressed with all my belongings, chucking the padlock in the trash on my way out. The moral of the story? Don’t be cheap like me – buy a decent padlock and keep your pride intact!

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