One of the good things about going to the gym loads is having the opportunity to perve over some hot bodies. Don’t deny it – we all do it. However, the fitness ground isn’t always to be overwhelmingly populated by the ripped and fabulous. There are others – the more flabby and out-of-shape – who are beginning their journeys into the world of the buff, so therefore should be supported, by us – their fellow gym buddies.

Well sod this. There are limits. I am the first to encourage and support the fatties when they first wobble into the gym (I was one, once) but one thing which I cannot tolerate is what they wear when they’re doing it. Yesterday I saw the most revolting vision in lycra which made me gag mid-chest press. I’m not fibbing; I actually gagged. Right in my direct vision was a 50-something elephant in tiny tight spandex shorts and a lard-hugging vest top. His tiny pecker was sagging to one side which actually made me sick-up in my mouth. It was a schadenfreude moment of the gym world. I was so horrified I found it hard to look away. My usual dirty thoughts disappeared quicker than you can say “Gregg’s lunch special”.

What makes someone want to dress in such hideous kit when there is clearly some more flattering, and less abhorrent, alternatives? Why are they unable to consider other people’s feelings in the gym environment? Getting clobbered-up in lycra isn’t going to make you thinner, faster. You will just end up causing ripples of nausea around you and people will rather punch you than spot you. It’s possible that these people are suffering from some form of topsy turvy body dysmorphia. According to a recent report by Columbia University, 82% of obese women underestimated their weight when looking at their silhouettes, thinking they were thinner than they actually were.

So a little advice to the chubbers out there. We want you in the gym. We support you wholeheartedly on your desire for a better body. But we beg you, please do it without the making the rest of us want to bring up our lunches.